Melancholy Amongst the Merriment: How Holidays Lost Their Happy Days

It’s the holidays! The most wonderful time of the year, or so Andy Williams told us as children. There are lights, Santas, reindeer and elves galore donning trees and houses all over the neighborhood.  With hope in our hearts and a twinkle in our eyes, the promise and warmth that radiates from multiple directions should be enough to melt the coldest of hearts right?

Show of hands, (I know we can’t see each other but I am imagining hands anyway so just play along), how many of you feel this way? It’s OK if you do, there’s no judgment here. I’m glad you feel that way. I wish I did too.  Personally, the holiday spirit has eluded me for some time. Of course, when I was a kid I was ecstatic about Christmas and Kwanzaa! Gifts, gifts and more gifts! What kid wouldn’t be excited! My brother and I would get up while it was still dark Christmas morning. My poor parents just finished being Santa, putting together bikes, dollhouses and hooking up video games and probably only managed to get 2 hours of sleep. Dwight would take one sofa and I would take the other bringing all of our bedding along with Teddy and Mac Ernest (my cabbage patch doll which I still have, thank you very much) as we waited patiently, however agonizing it was until we felt it was appropriate to wake our parents up. Mom would wake up and make enough breakfast to feed a small army and would insist that we took 3 pictures opening up every gift; receiving the gift from the gifter, ripping the wrapping paper, then smiling with the gift, always three. From there it was breakfast, stockings, then more gifts from mom mom and pop pop and then we played, more with the large boxes than the gifts that came in them.

As the years passed, however, excitement turned into resentment, joy turned into anxiety, and the illusion of what I thought Christmas was supposed to be, the spark and that fire dissipated. Now, this didn’t just happen overnight. As I got older the magic of Santa floated away. Christmas began to overshadow other holidays like Thanksgiving, which is my favorite by the way (FOOD!!). With the added pressures of Black Friday, then Cyber Monday, and pre-black Friday deals and steals; Ornaments, trees, lights, and décor now show up right after Labor Day, immediately stresses me out. Before I met Ken, the holiday season was always the time of year where I was dumped or disappointed by whoever I was dating at the time leaving me as the 5th wheel to my brother, the serial monogamist, and my parents who have been married for over 30 years. Then creativity and observation took a back seat to gift cards and wish lists. And then it was money. Not having it or having too much of it makes you equally miserable, even though I wouldn’t mind having too much of it right now. Like handing out candy at Halloween, giving Christmas gifts is still my FAVORITE part of the holiday season. I love being able to give and do something for someone that will put a smile on his or her face. That is the one thing that truly gives me a sense of fulfillment. Each year, however, I have been able to give less and less and the reality of the financial toll that the holidays can take on a person’s very small bank account shrinks my heart a little more each year.
Now I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I am seeking the how behind retrieving that childlike holiday spirit as a 32-year-old person in America today. Like I said before, I know this is not how everyone feels and I am open to suggestions on how to get my holiday magic back. So I asked a few of my friends to honestly tell me how the holiday season makes them feel and why.
The following were their reasons along with the steps I want to take to make this holiday season a little brighter.

1.    “Unity within the community”
Reason: “The holidays give me hope of a brighter tomorrow. It brings a strong feeling of unity with other members of my community regardless of race, religion etc. because everyone seems to share the spirit of the holidays.” –Raven H.

Step: In the current world climate, it is imperative that we come together as humans to ensure the survival of the earth so that there is a planet left for our children actually celebrate the holidays recognized by our various faiths. If you’re going to spend tons of money on gifts buy local and/or eco-friendly gifts.

Suggested sites: Conscious Step, Blood and Spicebush

2.    Having everyone together
Reason: “I am always extra happy during the holiday time because for me it means I get to spend time with family that I don’t often see during the year. I love the fact that everyone is in one room.” –Ashley V.

Step: Griswald Family Christmas- next year I hope that I can fulfill my husband’s Christmas wish of having everyone, both sides of the family together for Christmas instead of splitting the holidays up amongst the different sets of in-laws. I feel that making this happen is important in ensuring that we all get to see each other. You never know what can change in a year.

3.    “Re-thinking Christmas Traditions”
Reason: “The holidays make me feel conflicted. On the one hand, I have so much fun with my family and friends. On the other hand, I feel nostalgic for friends that I’ve lost and feel some sadness for the people who don’t have such a great time during the season for one reason or another. I’m also starting to question a lot of the traditions and if they truly resonate with me… The symbolism (trees, wreaths, etc.) have zilch to do with Jesus. In fact, as I learn more, I’m side-eyeing just about everything these days.” – Jasmyn E.

Step: As I’ve gotten older the illusion of Christmas has become more and more apparent. Now I’m not saying that kids shouldn’t believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny or Cupid but I feel that it is important that we not lose the truth and the reasoning behind these symbols of joy. Every year it seems that holidays have become more and more commercialized and linked to days off work and we have lost the WHY we celebrate. I feel that it is important that we remember and teach our children amongst the gifts, the shopping, and the vacation the true meaning of the holidays.

4.    It’s not always about the Benjamin’s baby!
Reason: “ I have less than $200 dollars in my checking account, haven’t finished paying my bills, owe the hospital over $3,000, haven’t been paid since before Thanksgiving, and haven’t even bought Christmas gifts yet. Merry Christmas…” - Me
Step: Yep true life that’s what’s going on with me right now. I share this with you not for pity but as a truth. This is a reality for many people and truth be told I am still more fortunate than the majority of the people living in this state. So as sit here on my comfy sofa with my blanket and my Wi-Fi this is the lesson I am giving to myself that I will share with you: Find the deeper meaning behind the season of giving. Donate to a charity or non-profit that is important to a friend or family member in their name. Volunteer to collect gifts for toys for tots, visit children’s hospitals, and shelters to spread cheer to those less fortunate. The world’s greatest currency is time.

Suggested sites: Mantra Band, Hug Your Granny, Habitat for Humanity

5.    Self-help, Self-care, Self-awareness
Reason: “Stressed and Cranky. Obligated to make others happy. Mostly because I’m even more broke than non-holiday season months and I am forced to travel between two states and no one is ever happy for the amount of time they have with us. I’d much rather stay at my house with my dog and not see family as heartless as that sounds. They also aren’t happy with us not going anywhere and they make it their life goal to make you feel bad about whatever decision you make.” – Lizzi C.

Step: This is where I struggle annually. The guilt trips from my husband, and my family, though unintentional, weigh heavily on my psyche as the holiday season progresses. Every year I feel less and less enthusiastic about anything pertaining holidays including telling people what I want for Christmas. I get to a point where mentally, physically and emotionally I just want nothing to do with it even if that means receiving a lump of coal in my stocking. With my mind the way that it works I just want peace, quiet, and hopefully one day to obtain the ability to relax, which are gifts that no one can pay for or tie a shiny bow on. These are things that I can only give do for myself and by myself which is why I am presently embarking on a journey towards self-realization. This holiday season, take time out for you whatever that means, even if it’s binge-watching the Bold Type, picking up knitting, or playing NHL 2018 until your fingers fall off. Take that time even if all you can do is spend an extra 30 seconds in the shower, do it!

Suggested sites: Mantra Magazine, Talk Space

6.    Remembering and reconciling the pains of the past and present
Reason: “My dad was in the hospital on Christmas Eve, Christmas and into the New Year. This time always makes me sad when I think about how he used to decorate our tree. That was OUR thing. I really don’t enjoy decorating the tree but I do it for the kids. What I wouldn’t give for one more Christmas with him.”- Essence C.

Step: It’s important for us to all remember that the holidays do not hold a warm and fuzzy feeling in everyone’s hearts. Many people have or will lose someone close to them during the holiday season. Be there to support those who need you, extend a helping hand where needed. So if someone doesn’t look like they're shitting candy canes and tinsel at Christmas time don’t judge. You never know what quiet battles they are facing. Be gentle, be kind.

Suggested Reading: What Grieving People Wish You Knew at Christmas



I hope you all have a happy, healthy and fantastic New Year! Seek what truly makes you whole this coming year, regardless of what others believe.


Sincerely Yours,

LPJ